Motherhood is beautiful but at times undoubtedly hard…
I’m a mom and I battle chronic illness post-cancer.
This season is one that I’m learning: it’s okay to not be okay at times, mental health is a priority, and how to navigate grief in chapters that come and go. These chapters are of what I thought would have been or could have been, especially as a mom.
My journey to health struggles started five years ago when my beautiful girl was born. And we’ve talked a lot about them before. I’ve had amazing days, yet more so in the last year: bad days. I overcame cancer and then like a confetti popper of chaos burst forth unexpected struggles with chronic illness.
Motherhood and Chronic Illness
This space is not to point toward the problems themselves, but more so a sweet salve of exhale and an ode to letting moms know it’s okay to just let it out . . . sharing the hard and sitting in it together.
For the last year, I’ve begun navigating a drastic change in my lung functions and lung pressure. Due to an onslaught of respiratory sicknesses, finding a hole in my heart, several changes in my oxygen capabilities, and relying on supplemental oxygen most days, I sit in mom guilt at times.
Mom guilt is a tough thing . . . wondering if I’m doing enough for my kiddo or being enough for them, and surrendering the rest when I just can’t today. I simply cannot.
This season is hard, really hard.
I see my daughter flourishing before my eyes into her school-age years. It’s ending more lasts and starting new firsts. It’s letting go while hanging on. And recognizing the hard for what it is. It’s numerous doctor appointments with glimpses of light in between. And it is attempting to embrace a few things that have helped me in this season.
3 Things I Am Embracing . . .
1. Sit in the Mess, It’s Okay!
As someone who is an overt organization queen, there are days when I just choose to sit in the “mess.” Sitting in the physical mess in my well-lived home because my energy levels are non-existent. Sitting in the mess of whatever has me exhausted because I’m feeling overstimulated.
Momma, it’s okay to just let it be at times. I’ll sit with you and we can share with one another. This one has been the hardest for me.
2. Take Time for Yourself
Hear me out mommas: mental health is important. Find what fills your cup and do it more often. A hobby, reading a book, some shopping, hanging with friends, gaming, or sleeping — find your self-care. I know it is easier said than done.
When my physical capacity has caused me to feel like I’m aged well beyond my years in my body, I’ve had to sit and breathe — literally and mentally. My lungs trap air at times and I physically have to exhale and find whatever fills my cup.
3. Grieve Chapters
I never thought in this season of my life I would be reliant on supplemental oxygen for now, but here we are. I am slowly navigating grief in my losses. I’ve grieved many things and am still grieving some: cancer, the loss of my mom, infertility after cancer, ongoing health battles after cancer, and the punches life gives. I have to grieve “losses” and yet be so incredibly thankful for what is and for the people around me. Including you! Yes, you. Choosing the good, the joys, and the wins. Especially as a mom!
So again, as we take a big breath and exhale, know we can share words of encouragement and feel all that we need to feel in navigating motherhood and chronic illness. And sharing open letters for us moms to know: I’m with you!
