When the Perfect Moments Aren’t So Perfect

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Perfect moments: a little toddler boy reads with his baby sibling.I did everything “right.” I read the big brother books, talked about the baby, got him a big brother gift, and did anything I could possibly think of to prepare my son for his baby sister’s arrival. It still wasn’t enough, and it absolutely wrecked me . . .

Looking back, I knew before I got pregnant again that when my babies met for the first time it wasn’t going to be what I had always dreamed. My son was used to our little family of three, and his world was turned upside down when he came to the hospital to meet baby sister!

I would ask my husband, “What if she doesn’t fit in with us?” In my head, I knew that was so silly — but I was subconsciously thinking about my son’s feelings. When the time came, I was beyond excited and ready for my babies to meet each other. I mean these were the absolute loves of my life and built-in best friends for life!

Not-So-Perfect Moments

The day came, and we headed to the hospital. My daughter was born overnight, so we didn’t get to see big brother until the next morning. My husband and I missed him so much, and we couldn’t wait to bring him to meet his sister! We kept talking about it, and we were almost hyping up the situation. I thought about the picture-perfect moment of the two of them together for the very first time. I was so excited!

When my son walked in, I immediately felt the tension. It felt off. He wasn’t even a little bit happy. He didn’t want to look at his sister, come near her, or have anything to do with me.

This was the complete opposite of everything I had pictured. I was truly crushed.

Why did big brother not want to say hi, kiss her, or even sit near her? I don’t think I will ever know the answer to that question, but I do understand where he was coming from.

My son’s entire world changed in an instant. He did not really comprehend the preparation for it, and that is okay . . .

I am responsible for my own feelings and reactions to certain situations. It is my job as their mom to be there for both babies, and to support my son through this transition and any feelings he has . . .  So that is exactly what I did, and at times it was not easy.

My son really did not handle the transition well for a long time. It has now been seven months, and he finally acknowledges his sister’s presence. He knows her name and will speak to her and about her. He really doesn’t like when she has his toys, but he does share a few of his non-favorites with her. He asks to hold his sister, and he gives her hugs and kisses all the time! These are all great in my eyes because it felt like for months she wasn’t there in his mind.

Perfect moments: a baby and toddler play together in a small indoor tent.Hindsight

Looking back, I built the moment up way too much in my mind. In today’s world of picture-perfect moments, it was hard not to. At this point, I feel so blessed to watch their little relationship grow and flourish! I am so lucky to be their mom, and they are so lucky to have each other.

If you are struggling with your babies meeting, understand that it may not be perfect and it may not be what you imagined. That’s okay! They will build their relationship, and it is the best thing you’ll ever see!

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