April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month
This is a month to honor the incredible strength of survivors while also raising awareness of the widespread presence of sexual assault in every community.
1 out of every 6 women, and 1 in 33 men, has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape.
A common misconception about sexual assault is that it happens late at night, in shady alleyways, and is committed by strangers. In reality, the vast majority of assaults occur while the victim is sleeping, performing an activity at home, commuting to and from work or school, running errands, working, or attending school.
The perpetrator is almost always known to the victim: family, friend, neighbor.
My Experience With Sexual Assault
I was 18 years old and my perpetrator was my first boyfriend.
He had the upper hand in many ways that allowed him to abuse and manipulate me for our entire seven-month relationship. He was older, had had many previous girlfriends (a fact which he often taunted me with — ick), and was a six-foot-four rugby player. He knew I had no previous boyfriends and could undoubtedly see that I was so desperate to be loved. I will, of course, spare you all the sordid details but consent was never a concern of his.
Even if it had been, no one had taught me about consent or that it was even okay to say “no” to sex.
Additionally, I was raised in the church and aggressively pushed into Purity Culture. I did not tell anyone I was being hurt because I had now been defiled in the eyes of God. I was “damaged goods” — just like the girls having sex that they’d preach about at Wednesday night youth group. Instead, I internalized and it became a severe anxiety and panic disorder.
I so desperately wish someone would have told me this can happen to anyone. I wish someone had taught me what teenage dating violence looked like and how to seek help if you find yourself stuck in it.
I wish my boyfriend’s parents had taught him what consent is, what it sounds/looks like, and that NO is a full sentence.
How Sexual Assault Has Shaped My Parenting
What happened to me has shaped, not only who I am but, how I view the world around me and what it means to raise a child — especially a little boy. I realized that I now held this incredible task in my hands: Raise a boy who will respect every human he interacts with.
As a survivor of sexual assault and a new mother, I’ve prioritized a few things for raising my son (though these can apply to all children!):
- Teaching consent from toddlerhood: We ask before we touch or do something to another person, even if it’s as simple as a hug. This sounds like, “Hey! Can I give you a hug?”
- Taking away the taboos: There will be no taboo around sex in our house. You got a question? Ask. There will be no shaming — only educating.
- Teaching the importance of respect for everyone’s bodily autonomy: No one owes you their body. Period. This ranges from hand-holding to striking down laws that strip women of their reproductive rights. Everyone is in control of their own body.
- Learning how to respond to anyone trying to pressure you into something you do not want to do: My husband and I were both quiet kids growing up. I’m personally a MASSIVE people-pleaser. We want to raise our son to speak up and stand up for himself and those around him.
- Call out disgusting behavior when you see it: We will not be teaching our son that “locker room” talk is acceptable. Rape jokes are unacceptable. Many kids won’t stop these behaviors until a peer calls them out on it.
Resources on This Topic
- Get Help
- Local Help: Tri County SPEAKS
- Friends and Family: Ways You Can Help
- Donate
- Volunteer: Virtually or Locally
- Public Policy and Political Change
- RAINN Confidential Online Chat
- RAINN Statistics (Including those mentioned above)
- RAINN Confidential Phone Line: +1 800-656-HOPE (4673)
