I was heavily pregnant, comfortably sunk in on the couch one chilly fall day in West Michigan skimming through The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, La Leche League’s seminal book on all things lactation. At the time, I knew nothing about “the milk league” and was surprised by how much there was to learn about breastfeeding a baby, something that seemed so natural and instinctive. I didn’t let myself get bogged down by the details – I figured it would all come together organically once the baby was born.
A few short weeks later, I found myself on that same couch, this time intensely sleep-deprived. I had a tiny newborn breastfeeding with a supplemental nursing system (SNS) in place, my pump at the ready by my side for a power-pumping session once my little one had his fill. I was struggling, longing to breastfeed, and finding myself fighting hard to make it happen after the nurses at the hospital urged us to supplement with formula when my baby was losing weight rapidly. I was overwhelmed, discouraged, and barely awake. Postpartum hormones were raging and we were isolated in a snowstorm, lake effect snow barraging our little rental home in the woods.
If you had told me that day that three months later I would be exclusively breastfeeding my sweet son, that he would be gaining and thriving, I would have cried with relief. If you had told me that he would nurse until he was two, when I got pregnant with his brother who would breastfeed until he was three, I would have laughed. From where I sat, the joy of those moments felt so far away, yet something inside of me held on to the hope that it was possible. I’m so glad I held on.
Finding Support for Breastfeeding
When I found a breastfeeding support group at the local hospital, I attended every meeting, asking the nurse for one-on-one guidance and taking her up on her offer to “call anytime with questions.” Each day, breastfeeding got a little easier, but I continued the exhausting regimen of supplementing, breastfeeding, and pumping, over and over again with little time for anything else but survival.
At our next pediatrician visit, I said, “I want to breastfeed, but . . .” to which our crunchy pediatrician said, “So, breastfeed!” I wanted a schedule, some sort of proven system to fade the supplementing and pumping. The pediatrician’s confidence in my body’s ability to make enough milk for my son overwhelmed me. I was grateful, empowered, and . . . terrified. I didn’t go home that day and throw away the formula and the pump. But something inside of me shifted, and in no time our breastfeeding journey was off and running smoothly, like a miracle.
Everyone’s breastfeeding story is different.
Today, I’m a La Leche League Leader who has the privilege of hearing so many amazing stories about breastfeeding. But they’re not only about lactation – they are about women becoming mothers, forming bonds with these tiny humans who are brand new to the world. They are stories about women finding strength and persistence through intense challenges, learning to trust and celebrate their bodies, sometimes for the very first time after a long history of being a woman in a society where our bodies are never quite “enough.” They are stories of brand new parents finding their voices in their families of origin, in their workplaces, and in society at large, where opinions on breastfeeding are vast and often loud and contradictory. They are stories of families bonding and growing together, and I can imagine how their lives will continue to change and take shape from this quiet, intimate moment of a mother nursing her newborn.
If you are struggling with breastfeeding, or just looking for community, La Leche League can help. It is a group of incredible women who are ready to support you and invite you to meet together, form friendships, and share your unique journey with your baby.
Books for Breastfeeding Moms
My story began with a book. Maybe yours will too. No matter where you find yourself on your breastfeeding journey, here are five books that might prove to be helpful companions along the way.
- The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International
- Sweet Sleep by La Leche League International
- Breastfeeding Made Simple by Nancy Mohrbacher
- Ina May’s Guide to Breastfeeding by Ina May Gaskin
- The Breastfeeding Book by Martha Sears and William Sears
