He looked at me, then glanced at my two-year-old son before he said, “Really? You brought him in here?”
I looked around, startled, thinking there is no way this man was talking to me. I was so taken aback if my jaw could drop to the floor it would have. I felt my blood pressure rise but then I cowered…I just wanted to hide, crawl under my covers and disappear from this horrible world.
So who, exactly, is supposed to keep my child when I have to go to the grocery store?
I have already been feeling extremely isolated. I’ve been struggling with loneliness, needing human contact other than these (albeit very cute) tiny hands to hold…and then the first person to speak to me when I have to go out to feed my family, only does so to reprimand me and judge me because of my life situation?!
What exactly are single mother’s supposed to do in a pandemic?
We go to work or keep our businesses open or hire the babysitter because we are solely responsible for keeping a roof over our children’s heads and food on the table. We don’t have another choice. There is no knight in shining armor or partner that we can fall back on to save the day if we don’t work, if we don’t get groceries, or if we don’t secure childcare so we can actually do our jobs.
We have to make impossible decisions every day and no one has the right to judge us.
Navigating single parenthood during the pandemic has honestly been similar to having my head repeatedly slammed against a brick wall by a hand I can’t control.
I’ve failed to text friends back because I have nothing left to give. I skip workouts because I’m too tired from working late after the baby is in bed. I’m needed constantly by my tiny human, with no access to breaks, no one to switch duties with, and no time to myself. I can’t get much work done during the day because he is awake, so I have to work after he sleeps…and so there goes any free time I thought I might have. I finally got a babysitter one night but I’m so scared of judgment that I didn’t tell anyone…though I secretly loved having a drink without the mental responsibility of knowing I had to keep my eye on a little. I don’t regret it one bit.
After days turned into months, I have finally learned that just like everything is on us for our families, single momma, so is the decision on how this situation will affect you. You get to decide how you’re going to handle the hand of cards that you’ve been dealt. You get to decide how that man in the grocery store is going to affect you and how you respond. YOU are in control of that. That may be the only thing within your control right now, but use that thing as a life preserver and cling on to ride out this storm!
I have decided to accept that people are going to judge me no matter what I do because they are looking at me through the rose-colored glasses of their own personal life experiences. They can not help it and I’m not going to be able to change them. It’s how they view the world and because of their fear, they lash out at the nearest trigger. You and me.
I have decided to keep reminding myself that the most important thing to me is my relationship with my son and I should only be doing things that feed into that end goal.
I have decided to let go of any expectations put onto me by others, or that I put onto myself unnecessarily. If it doesn’t serve my ultimate life goal of providing an amazing life for my son, then it has got to go!
I have decided to simply let everything I can’t control, go. That includes the fear of the fate of my work, the fear of judgment from others, and even the fear of the future of the world. This doesn’t mean giving up, it just means I’ve decided to accept challenges as part of the process instead of part of the problem to be obsessively solved.
If I can’t control it, then I HAVE to let it go.
This was supposed to be a sprint, but it’s turning out to be a marathon, and if we don’t slow down and start accepting things the way they are – succeed or fail – then there is no way that we can be the amazing moms that our children need. Our children are the reason we do what we do. They are the reason we get up each morning and figure it out and they are the reasons that we will succeed in this too, momma.
I see you, single momma. I am you and I understand you. You aren’t alone. I may not be right beside you, but I’m rooting for you. Your silent voice is heard and felt by a quarter of the US parent population – we are just too busy to get loud.
We are resilient and when we make it through this, we will make the most beautiful, independent generation of children this world has ever seen…and it’s all because of you momma, so please don’t be discouraged.
