If you’ve been following Charleston Moms for a while, you might remember an article I wrote back in 2021 titled: “How Did You Know Your Family Was ‘Complete’?” In that piece, I shared how selling my Ergo baby carrier sparked a whirlwind of doubts about whether our family was truly complete.
I received so many comments on that post with heartfelt advice, a lot of which can be summarized in one sentence: “Have a third!” Well, let me catch you up because a lot has happened since then. Spoiler alert: we did have a third baby, and it was one of the best decisions of our lives.
We welcomed our daughter, Madelyn, into the world one year ago (Time really does fly, doesn’t it?). Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite as simple as just deciding to have a baby.
Trying for Our Third Child
Last spring, we experienced the heartache of miscarriage (the second for us), a topic I poured my heart into sharing: “What Has Helped in Coping With My Second Miscarriage.” It was a journey that tested us tremendously, but through all of the darkness, there was one moment that will be etched in my memory forever . . .
When I returned home from the hospital, my then four-year-old daughter, Emerson, hugged me and said, “It’s okay that the baby ran away, Mommy. She’ll come back.” She. A baby girl. Those words, and specifically that pronoun, echoed through my mind during the subsequent pregnancy.
After miscarrying, everything about pregnancy feels heavier. There are more appointments, more tests, and there is more fear. There were many uncertainties, including our decision not to find out the baby’s sex. While many of our friends and family members were convinced it was a boy, my gut told me otherwise. So when the doctor screamed “It’s a girl!” on April 24th at 9:19 a.m., it felt like everything in the universe made sense.
Emerson knew, and perhaps deep down I did too. Our family was destined to welcome three beautiful children, with our baby girl being the grand finale.
My son, Charlie, was born in April of 2020, at the beginning of stringent Midwest lockdowns for Covid. Due to strict regulations, Emerson was not allowed to come to the hospital to meet him, which weighed so heavily on my heart.
With baby three, I knew I would cherish the moment, but nothing could have prepared me for how much. Having Emerson and Charlie, wearing Big Sister/Big Brother pins, ride the elevator to labor and delivery with their daddy, push open the door to our room, and see their baby sister in the bassinet is a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life.
The love and excitement radiating from them filled the room. Watching the pure joy as they stared at her little blue eyes and touched her tiny button nose will stay with me forever.
Selling the Ergo carrier felt like turning the page on the final chapter, but little did I know it was merely pushing us to write another. Yes, we had uncertainties. Would adding another baby throw a wrench in our family dynamic? Could we navigate the challenges of raising three kids? Would we ever be able to travel again?
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my forty years, it is that life is too precious for regrets.
A year later, here is what I can tell you. Having a third child just means MORE of everything. There is more chaos and noise, but there is so much more love. There are more sleepless nights and bigger messes, but there is so much more joy. There are more bills and larger vehicles, but there are three beautiful faces to thank for that.
So, How Can You Decide if Your Family Is Complete?
There’s no right answer. But for me, this much I know is true: When someone says, “Oh boy! Your hands are full!” All I can think is, “I would rather have full hands, than empty hands.” For us, while practicalities may have nudged us towards hesitancy, our hearts knew we wanted one more tiny hand to hold, one more voice to fill our home with laughter.
As we celebrate Madelyn’s first birthday, I find myself filled with so much gratitude for the beautiful chaos that is three kids, all of the love, and the endless joy she has brought into our lives. Full hands. Full hearts.
If you’re stuck in the middle, waiting, I see you. Here’s to embracing new beginnings, navigating the unknown, and loving our families.
