What happens when your year goes awry and you feel uncomfortable following the “usual” Christmas agenda?
A few years ago, we were all in the midst of a global pandemic. We had to figure out what to do for the holidays. Some of us did the usual, and some of us had a strange, unprecedented Christmas.
Other years may seem similar when we experience a death in the family or other tragic event in our lives. Maybe our hearts cannot handle being home for the holidays as all the songs recommend.
For the awkward Christmas of 2020, our family was already living in an RV. Our Christmas was spent at Fort Wilderness Campground at Disney World for the first time ever — and it was nothing short of magical. It was VERY last minute, we had never camped for Christmas before and never stayed at Fort Wilderness. The year had been rough and we wanted to make the best of it, especially for our children.
As it turned out, doing something completely new was exactly what our family needed that year.
When the Holidays Are Overshadowed by Loss
Fast forward to 2023 where my family is having another challenging year, except this time it is because of losing a loved one. Unfortunately, my father passed away on January 2nd of this year, and my family and I have been experiencing all the “firsts” along with all the stages of grief.
I won’t sugarcoat it, all of the “firsts” are heartbreaking: your first birthday without that person, their first birthday without us, and all the holidays in between.
In all honesty, I have been dreading the holidays this year. Of course, everyone has a different experience, and everyone endures the stages of grief at varying times in many different ways. There is no handbook for how to do grief the “right way.” There is no time limit for when the sadness will end or when the joy returns. However, I truly believe that our loved ones wouldn’t want us to be sad over the holidays.
My mom and I attended a local Griefshare class in the months following my father’s passing. These classes are offered in various churches all over Charleston. It is a faith-based program in which you have the opportunity to meet with other people who have lost loved ones and are experiencing the same feelings. We were given many recommendations and encouragement on how to endure the pain and grow in the grieving process.
One recommendation they gave us regarding the holidays was to do something different. Now whether this means traveling for the holidays, or changing the usual traditions is up to you and your loved ones. But we were encouraged to do something completely out of the norm since it may be painful in the absence of our loved one.
In all honesty, I do not want to have the same type of Christmas at home this year. Last Christmas was our last one with my dad. For my mental and emotional health, I need to do something unique.
If You Need Permission to Break Holiday Traditions
If you need to change your plans this year, it’s okay. No one says you have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” in matching family Christmas pajamas with your hot cocoa in the living room next to the Christmas tree. If you need to get away, get away. If you need to act like it’s not a holiday, do that.
But please let your friends and family know what you need. Your loved ones cannot read your mind, and they may not understand that the holidays are going to be painful this year. Let them know if you need to stray from the normal Christmas agenda. Tell them that you need to do something different this year, even if you don’t know what that is yet.
Maybe you’re alone for the holidays. You may enjoy quiet time at home sipping eggnog, or you may hate the thought of being by yourself. Maybe you need to take a solo trip, or see a movie on Christmas day to change things up. Go for it! Why not ask friends what they are doing? Or see if you can volunteer at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or a home for senior citizens. You are not the only one who feels lonely during the holidays and by getting out of the house to bless others, you will also be blessed in the process.
Psychology Today says, “Try to participate in some holiday gatherings, or at least part of them. Getting out of your house will give you a sense of normalcy, a sense of belonging that can be quite comforting.” This article has a list of other ways to get through the holidays while taking care of yourself. You do not need to follow any of their recommendations, but maybe there is one thing mentioned that sounds fresh and original.
My dad had his very own Christmas traditions that he made happen each and every year since I was a child. He watched the same movies on specific days, read Christmas books, ate the same Christmas meals, and had the same routine. Heck, he even ate the same Christmas snack every year! He LOVED knowing the plan and sticking to it. But even in 2020, he came to Disney World to be with us for the holidays. He, too, stayed in a camper that year. He broke all of his usual Christmas traditions to be with those he loved. (Although I am sure he watched some of the same movies before going to bed!)
Sometimes it’s okay to break holiday traditions. If you can’t put up a tree this year, then don’t. If you can’t watch the same movies as you usually do, try a different one. If you can’t make the usual Christmas meal, order some take-out or have your meal catered instead.
You have “permission” to break holiday traditions for the sake of healing. You have “permission” to do something different this year.
Thank you for this article. I needed this!
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