I’m Taking the “Wait Until 8th Pledge”

As I am writing this, my son is sitting next to me while we wait for his sister to be finished with her gymnastics practice. For a second, I tried to hide my computer, not wanting him to see the article I was about to write for all of the local moms to see.

Then, I thought, “Who cares, he knows and I am standing by it.” Read up on my feelings buddy, because they aren’t changing.

This is actually the perfect time to write this article because he is sitting here bored. I told him to bring a book, maybe some homework, or any kind of activity that wasn’t electronic. It would be much easier for him to have a phone to play on, to have something to distract him while his sister does cartwheels for an hour.

But, I am realizing as I parent that sometimes the easy way isn’t the best way for my family.

The more I stand my ground on certain parenting things, the more they realize I mean business, and the more they learn how to act in public and how I expect things to be.

I also know there are moms that did not choose this path. I know some moms may say “Nope, not for me.” That’s okay. I am not here to judge. In fact, I don’t even know you or who is reading this. I am just here to share what is working for me, my why, and hope to inspire another momma.

My Son Does NOT Have A Cell Phone

He has absolutely ZERO social media platforms. I am taking the “WAIT UNTIL 8th” pledge to not let him have a cell phone until eighth grade and maybe even beyond that.

Why?

• Phones are changing children. The more they have devices in front of them, the more tempted they are to be on them. Children are choosing activities on their devices rather than being outside. I get it, they are young and it is exciting and they would much rather look at fun things.
• Phones are addicting. I don’t think this one needs a whole lot of explanation. Go to any event, restaurant, or place where people are and you will see adults on their phones a majority of the time. If it is addicting for adults, it is 100% addicting for children. Did you know? Research shows that dependence on your smartphone may produce some of the same addictive brain responses that alcohol and drugs would. 
• Kids don’t need another screen. Schools are filled now with screen time. Most kids are on screens in school for the majority of their day. Long gone are the days of mostly paper and pen assignments.
• Children don’t need unlimited access to the internet. They are curious. Again, I get it. However, I don’t want to open up a door where they can see things they shouldn’t see just yet or get on social media platforms that they don’t need just yet.
• Brain and behavior issues. From, Waituntil8th.com, “Initial results from a groundbreaking study by the National Institute of Health reveal that MRIs found significant differences in the brains of children who use smartphones, tablets, and video games more than seven hours a day. Children who spent an excessive amount of time on screens were found to have a premature thinning of the cortex. That’s the outermost layer of the brain that processes information from the five senses.”

The last one is enough for me to hold off.

What if my child needs a way to contact me?

We live in a world right now where we want our children to have a way to contact us. It makes us moms feel safer. I am in for that. We actually gave my son a Gizmo watch to start with so he could contact us. When he got older, we upgraded him to an Apple Watch, and really for no other reason other than he would feel “more cool.”

There are actually a bunch of other phone alternatives that will give your child a “phone” but without access to social media, the internet, and things that will keep them addicted to their screens. This would also be a great test and preparation for you and your child before they get the upgrade to a smartphone one day.

What if I already gave my child a phone?

This question actually came up in a mom group before. You may be reading this wondering the same thing. You could switch to a basic phone. You aren’t taking anything away as much as giving them a better option for their age. Also, be honest with your child. Talk to them about how you feel, why you want to make a change, and that you are ultimately the parent making a parenting decision. It’s okay to change your mind as a parent. You are in charge here. We all have given our children something or made a decision and then thought back on it. You pay the bills, you make the calls.

What if I don’t want to take away their phone?

Monitor, monitor, monitor. I am speaking here from the experience of a mom who gave her son an Apple watch. Do I trust him? Kinda. I want to. I love him and I know he is a great kid but I also know that part of growing up is learning, being curious, and learning from failing. And sometimes our kids fail. Sometimes they do dumb stuff. That’s when we come in to help them through this and to see the mistakes and walk them through it. There are also a ton of different ways you can implement parental controls on their phones. You can take off internet access, take off any social media, and regularly monitor conversations.

Note: Just because my son had an Apple watch, doesn’t mean he was immune to smartphone issues. There have been a couple of times I have had to tell a parent that something was inappropriate. Their child is learning too so coming together as parents and helping to shape our children into respectful adults is the ultimate mom support.

Mom-to-Mom Talk

I’m going to give you some mom honesty, some mom-to-mom real-life stuff. My son begs me for a phone. He even wrote a full-page paper on why he needs a phone. He tells me that all his friends have phones. He tells me that he wants to feel cool. He says he wants to Facetime his friends and use it for pictures. He tells me all of the things that really don’t sound that bad.

I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about just rolling over and getting him one to get him excited. However, every time I think I may, I end up seeing the kids at the bus stop just staring at their phones instead of talking to each other. I see the kids walking around Towne Centre just staring at their phones while they are walking around. I hear about kids being bullied on social media. I hear kids on TikTok listening and watching stuff that even I feel a little shy about.

So I once again say “No, buddy, stay little a bit longer.” There will be plenty of years to have a smartphone, to be on social media, and to Facetime your buddies.

Fun fact: Steve Jobs, the inventor of the iPhone did not even let his children have an iPhone, iPad, or social media. The very creator of the device banned the device in his household. That alone should make us think.

So What Can We Do Now?

If your children are younger than eighth grade, you can take the “Wait until 8th” pledge.
You can share it with friends, be mindful, and if you haven’t yet given your child a smartphone and they tell you that “everyone has one,” now you can say you know at least one other kid who doesn’t have one!