In today’s fast-paced and demanding world, finding a harmonious balance between work and personal life has become an elusive goal for many individuals. While this struggle applies to both men and women, it is often magnified for moms. Society places great emphasis on the notion of “work-life balance,” perpetuating the idea that it is achievable with careful planning and effective time management. However, for moms raising kids, this concept of balance often reveals itself as nothing more than a complete facade.
The Myth of Balance
The concept of work-life balance implies an equitable distribution of time, energy, and attention between professional responsibilities and personal life. This is just not possible. When faced with the reality of raising children, achieving this balance becomes an incredibly challenging task. The constant juggling act between the demands of work and the needs of the children leaves little room for personal time or pursuing individual aspirations. At the end of the day, we find ourselves desperate for time to just be. Adding stress without coping mechanisms, many of us women find ourselves with health problems including thyroid disease, unbalanced hormones, emotional eating, the list can just go on and on.
The Exhausting Reality
Motherhood itself is a full-time job. When combined with the responsibilities of a career, it can quickly become overwhelming. Caring for kids involves managing their physical and emotional well-being, attending to their educational needs, and nurturing their individual development. On the other hand, work demands its fair share of attention, often requiring long hours, deadlines, and constant mental engagement. For many moms, we want to work; we NEED to work. The emotional labor that goes into each job can feel like our world is imploding.
Societal Expectations
Society often places unrealistic expectations on moms, projecting an image of the “supermom” who effortlessly balances all aspects of her life. This unrealistic ideal can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and self-doubt when reality fails to meet these expectations. And let’s face it, no matter where we are in life, we are all supermoms no matter what. The pressure to excel professionally while maintaining an active presence in our kids’ lives can take a toll on working moms, leaving us feeling perpetually stretched thin.
The Sacrifices Made
To cope with the demands of both work and family life, working moms are often forced to make significant sacrifices. They can range from limiting career ambitions to accommodate family needs, forfeiting personal interests and hobbies, and reducing social interactions. These sacrifices can make us feel like a shell of a person, no longer recognizing who we are beyond being a mom and going to work.
Striving for Integration
Rather than chasing an elusive notion of balance, working moms may find greater solace in striving for integration. Integrating work and family life acknowledges the interconnectedness of these roles while accepting that certain periods may be more focused on one aspect than the other. It involves setting realistic expectations, establishing boundaries, and practicing self-compassion.
Go ahead and book that weekend away, BY YOURSELF. Your partner can handle it; don’t leave a long list of instructions. JUST GO! One of the ways I found a happy medium was to own and develop a business that would grow as my kids grow — one where they could be with me at all times. I did it, and I’m really REALLY proud of myself.
Seeking Support
Moms should never bear the weight of these challenges alone. Building a support system is crucial in navigating the complex terrain of work and family life. This support can come from a spouse or partner, family members, close friends, or reliable childcare providers. Delegating responsibilities, communicating openly about needs and limitations, and seeking assistance when necessary can help alleviate some of the burdens.
A documentary that changed my marriage was “The Documentary | Fair Play Life” on Hulu. Like many new things in my life, I saw it on an IG reel. It was a very challenging weekend; my spouse and I got into another argument over something I can’t even remember. My phone must have been listening to us and recognized, “Oh dang, maybe this couple needs a little help.” So thank you, apple algorithm.
Embracing Imperfection
It is essential for all moms to embrace imperfection and let go of the pressure to achieve a perfect balance; it’s not possible by yourself. Recognizing that each day may bring its own set of challenges and triumphs can alleviate the burden of unrealistic expectations. Prioritizing self-care, setting aside quality time for the kids, and finding joy in the little moments (or doing whatever works for you) can help cultivate a sense of fulfillment amidst the chaos.
So let’s stop striving for this unattainable thing and be kind to ourselves. Take yourself out on a date. Fall in love with who you are now, at this very moment. This is it; this is life. You’re living your best life right now!
